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Adrienne

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sadness. [Nov. 3rd, 2008|06:02 pm]
Adrienne
[Current Location |my room]
[mood |nostalgicnostalgic]

I miss Erika. We always said that boyfriends would come and go, but best friends are forever and we would grow old together. I cared about her more than anything, and she just threw our friendship away like it meant nothing. She has sent me a couple text messages, but hasn't contacted me beyond that so I am confused. I haven't talked to her since September. I just want to cry and cry and cry. I want things to get better between us. I want things to be like they used to be, but I guess they can't ever be. I want her back. So maybe we'll never be able to do the things we used to....driving on a whim in the middle of a summer night with music blasting, smoking the whole way. I want to hold on to my youth, but I have a daughter now and I can't....I am depressed. I'm just depressed and lonely and I miss her. I wonder if she misses me.
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This is true. [Apr. 1st, 2007|10:16 pm]
Adrienne
[mood |amusedamused]

What Be Your Nerd Type?
Your Result: Anime Nerd
 

If anyone is likely to dress up in a crazy outfit, you are! You enjoy the visual stimulants of intense art accompanied with deep plots of fantasy, science-fiction, real-life; or you are just obsessed with Japan and everyone and everything in it. They love to gather with people like themselves at conventions and act crazy! The anime nerds are often associated with the stereotype of being the "psychotic" nerd, because they tend to be obsessive over their characters and series.

You psycho! I'm just kidding! But seriously, all forms of art should be appreciated, and anime is definitely one of them.

Musician
 
Drama Nerd
 
Social Nerd
 
Literature Nerd
 
Gamer/Computer Nerd
 
Artistic Nerd
 
Science/Math Nerd
 
What Be Your Nerd Type?
Quizzes for MySpace
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Long time, no write. [Mar. 12th, 2007|09:10 pm]
Adrienne
[Current Location |my room]
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |vice city in the background]

Okay, so by this time nobody reads this anymore, but I decided to update for my own amusement. Today was a very boring day. A fat day, definitely. I'm feeling very fat. I was on this strict diet and exercise regimen and lost a lot of weight, and now I've kind of given it up and I feel disappointed in myself because I was doing so well. It's just so much work and I am the laziest person I know. Sigh. So anyway, Stephen and I went to Target and Gamestop today. We also went to Subway and got subs, but Stephen doesn't like roast beef so he had to take it off of his. I had double meat on the sub and then I put Stephen's roast beef on it, and I have to say...there was too much meat. I know, it seems impossible, but it's true. This is interesting stuff, eh? What else is there to say....hm. I have a lot of stuff I want to get done, but for right now I can't do anything about it. I'm on the verge of moving, but not until Stephen gets transferred so for right now I'm stuck in limbo...going to school, but not really giving a shit because I know I'm quitting soon. I'm going to try to go back in Sanford once we get settled in a place of our own, which I am really excited about. I've got so much stuff saved up for when I move out...plates, cups, pots, pans, knives, etc. and I'm just ready to get out of here and go! It's going to be quite a daunting task though to move out of this room because it's filled to the brink with useless shit and I'm not good at getting rid of things. It seems at this point I'm stuck in limbo with everything in life. I guess it comes with the age I'm at...almost 20. Time to grow up. I don't know where I'll be living or what I'll be doing for a job or if any of the shittiest shit in my life will be sorted out or not. Everything's up in the air, and each day I'm just going through the motions, which I hate. Just living day to day....I hate that, I need a purpose and I want to feel as if all my goals are within reach, but it's just not close enough to tell. It seems so far away. AHHH!! It's like I have cabin fever...I want to get out there and live my life, even though sometimes I feel like I'm not ready but I feel in my heart that it's time for me to be shoved out into the real world and see if I can make it. I might struggle some, but I think I can do it. The prospect of it all is looming in front of me and honestly it's quite ominous and a little scary. That's how I can describe how I feel about it...very scared, but very excited. Well, I guess I could go on and on about whatever but it's gone on long enough. Farewell!
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hello [Oct. 26th, 2006|02:19 pm]
Adrienne
[Current Location |bedroom. duh.]
[mood |blahblah]

A recent discovery led me to the realization that this blog, as well as my other one, is on the WORLD wide web. Anyone and I mean ANYONE, from my dad to my aunt to some fat middle-aged man in his underwear can read this. Isn't that scary? It kind of is. I've thought about it though and I feel that I haven't put too much incriminating or revealing information on these things. Just my thoughts and feelings, and if someone overreacts or takes them the wrong way, then you know what? I don't give a fuck. This is America, god damn it! Surre, it SOUNDS like I'm a suicidal, overly critical, obscene mother fucker, but hey. These are my thoughts UNDILUTED. I only write when I actually feel something hit me. Most of the time I'm a sweet, well meaning, though frustrated normal teenager with a few problems. Perhaps I am not what you thought. I like to keep a family-oriented image, you know...the one for your friend's parents and your aunts and uncles and the such apart from the down and dirty emotional core of me, and now they seem to have collided. So, to anyone that reads this: Yes, I have piercings. I have tattoos. I have anger, and I have a serious relationship with a boy. I cuss. I drink. I smoke. All of these things are a small part of me, and you will have to accept them if you want to accept me. The end.
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ohhh man [Aug. 30th, 2006|04:30 pm]
Adrienne
[Current Location |my room.]
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |the rain and thunder outside.]

I have been reading everyone's journals, and as usual the time of year has come for new beginnings. Starting school, moving away for the first time or once again for college, the such. Here I am again stagnant, not moving. It's better than last year though, because this time I actually am starting school. In six days to be exact. Just at the moment....I, as usual, feel unmoving.

To make it worse, I now have the boy I've loved since the age of 13 and HIS face still makes itself known in my dreams and haunts me all the next day. It depresses me. It wasn't supposed to turn out this way. I care about him! I....I feel like it doesn't matter to him. He just acts like he never gave a shit. I didn't want it to be this way. I miss him so much. How do you stop caring about someone who was your best friend for years? I can't do it. The person I am won't allow me to. I don't want to grow to regret what we had, because I was very happy and want to remember it as just that way. Instead, the ignoring and just...the bluntness, the uncaringness, the lack of any kind of emotion...is making me hurt more than it ever would have. I just want to know you're okay. These thoughts plague me every single day.

It's wonderful to be in love, but this time it hurts so much. My heart is so fragile from the last thing, that it's hard to hold it together, but Stephen does it somehow. The boy I used to cry about when I was so young because I knew that you could never be with some guy you just met on the internet is now mine. Real, face to face. It's hard now that school is starting, I can't just make spur of the moment decisions to make the two hour trip to see him. Every time I have to leave him, my heart is ripped in half again and it hurts so much sitting here, knowing I can't see him every day, or even every week. Knowing that I have to wait a year in a town I once loved, but now brings me nothing but emptiness. All of my true friends are away at school it seems, and the rest is filled with shallow acquaintaces. My sister moved to Salisbury, and my father to the mountains. My mom can't move in with her boyfriend because I live with her. There's nothing for me here anymore, or no longer anything that will keep me here. I don't want to live in a place where I'm reminded of the past every day, because the past hurts way too fucking much. All the things I once held important slipped through my fingers. After school, it's a new life for me in Sanford.

Lately, it seems that everything hurts. It hurts to be with Stephen because when I'm not with him I'm filled with sadness and when I am, the realness of the situation at hand rips at me. It hurts to live here with reminders of past love popping up every two seconds. It hurts to miss my friends at school. It hurts to feel worthless and like I'm never going to succeed. It hurts to know that I got help once, and I can't afford it now and now this illness is eating me alive. Life is at a very low point right now.
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Dear God... [Jun. 15th, 2006|04:52 pm]
Adrienne
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |ben folds- songs for silverman]

if one exists...I only want one thing, and you know what it is. I want it more than anything I've ever felt in my life. Please help me.
Word,
Adrienne
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It's true. [Apr. 21st, 2006|11:51 pm]
Adrienne
[mood |surprisedjustified.]
[music |j tim]

<td align="center"> Adrienne Loebe --
[noun]:

A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>
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It [Apr. 21st, 2006|11:51 pm]
Adrienne
<td align="center"> Adrienne Loebe --
[noun]:

A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>
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Just so you know... [Mar. 8th, 2006|09:15 am]
Adrienne
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |the pixies!]

A couple weeks ago, my car window got shot out by vandals. Police at my door at 2:30 in the morning and everything. It's all fixed now.

I got my braces off, and to celebrate, treated myself to a trip to the salon and platinum hair.

Two days ago, at work, I dropped a knife on my foot accidentally (well, it fell off the counter) and it bled through my sock and shoe- I had to file an accident report and everything. Now I have this big purple bump/incision/hurtness. Pretty weird.

This morning I was in a Sam's Club sales video talking about coconut cakes or some shit. It's going to be shown across the country in all the clubs and stuff. Great.

My tape player randomly decided to work, so I got to listen to The Pixies in my car on the way home, after eating many bojangles biscuits in the break room. It was sunny and I didn't have to turn on the heat OR roll down the window. Beautiful.

I keep falling in love more and more and it's crazy. I can't stop thinking about him.
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LOVE [Feb. 22nd, 2006|12:11 am]
Adrienne
Adrienne and Erika
  • May one day have a handful of genius girls.
  • Enjoy opportunities to read after dark.
  • Have developed gills for extended kissing.
  • Unquestionably deserve each other.
Orchestrated by ianiceboy
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